Friendships after Motherhood

Friendships after Motherhood
Friendships after Motherhood

Your friendships will never be the same they said. You’ll lose your friends others said. I said that’s not going to happen to me! Don’t worry it didn’t, lol. But the truth is, they did change. Not negatively at least. But they changed in a way that it took a year to put into perspective…

Cirque de symphonie

This past weekend we went to a new show to us, Cirque de symphonie! You see every year, it is tradition to see a ballet, the Nutcracker to be specific in December. We always dress up! Something about putting a dress and long coat to go downtown makes us very excited! This year one of my best friends suggested doing something different as we probably have memorized the nutcracker by now, lol. Well it was a fabulous show! The orchestra played heavenly Christmas music while dancers and artists performed their act. It was humorous and very entertaining! We loved it so much we are returning in a couple of months for a different show. We arrived and went straight to the bar for our beloved chardonnay. I think that is tradition by now as well. We toasted to being out again and searched for our seats. As I sat there a little warm I’ll admit since I don’t have an opportunity to drink anymore, I was in awe. Not just of the show but how wonderful I felt. I wanted to cry. I was sitting there, like old times with two of the most amazing women that I have called my best friends for almost a decade now. Could it have been the wine? A little bit, lol but the truth of the matter is I had been so worried over these friendships that I was in such internal joy to realize that it wasn’t going to occur. Not now at least and especially not  because I became a mom.

In the beginning

I had my doubts at first. I’ve said it enough times now, motherhood was and is not easy to me. I REALLY struggled in the beginning. I made the mistake one day about a week after having my son of saying along the lines of, “I just want some privacy.” While referencing the many visitors I had recently. Well they took it for what it was and let’s just say I didn’t see them for a little while. I should have said; please help! Will you bring me more Starbucks and lunch? Or keep me company and encourage me to get fresh air or refill my gigantic water cup? I don’t know what was going through my mind. I was overwhelmed to say the least. They tried their best. They asked how I was and even ran out to the store for new pjs for my new little bundle of joy. Gosh to do it all over again.


My biggest fear was that we couldn’t relate any longer. Neither one had children and if we are being honest with not very many kids around them. Until my own, I didn’t either, lol. “You are screwed!” I was told. Ha ha. “We will figure it out together! Like when Miranda had Brady!” Was my response. We are Sex and the City fanatics by the way. And we did. My mistake was assuming they knew what my needs were. I cried to my wife (I cried a lot during those times) asking why I didn’t hear from them as much as I liked. “Don’t they know I’m struggling?” But no, they didn’t. They weren’t mind readers. They weren’t sure if I wanted space, privacy, or time. Time to adjust to motherhood. My new routine, normal. When we got together I expressed my feelings and they were very receptive. But then again why wouldn’t they? These are my best friends. The women that helped me in my wedding dress and stood by my side on the second happiest day of my life (the birth of our son is the first.) They have seen me at my best and my worst. I can call them at 3 a.m. and without hesitation or question will be at my door if I needed them. I can tell them anything and they wouldn’t judge me. Okay maybe a little lol but they love me and support me unconditionally.

The realization

Friendships thrive and fail depending on what you invest in them. Motherhood doesn’t change. Your priorities do. Therefore if you make your friendships a priority like you do your child (dren) and your spouse, you will always have them. Like any relationship, they need attention and nourishment. Also clear communication. Don’t expect people to read your mind. I always say, they can’t fix what they don’t know is wrong.

To my two best friends, motherhood has changed me. Thank you for loving my son like your own nephew. For entertaining him, throwing him celebrations and pushing the stroller for me. I appreciate your patience as I live by his nursing and nap schedule, lol. I would be so incomplete without you.

“They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style.” -Carrie Bradshaw



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